I don't think you can make them understand. Believe me, I'm in the same boat. His only "advice" to me is to man up. He has no understanding of anything about depression or ptsd and can't even realize he's making it worse. He flat out refused to even go with me once to my therapist. He laughed through my psychological eval I stupidly let him read hoping he'd understand. 80% of me knows I should walk away from this relationship (we've been married a year) and its not good for me but oddly enough, I don't want to hurt his feelings. Crazy? Yes. It sucks. Hopefully we'll all get to a point where we can be comfortable, feel safe and understood and not like we have to fake it so someone else feels ok.