Sunnye,

I'm sure even your T will tell you that it isn't so much about what actually happened, it's about what we believe happened and how we react to that that is important.

I have a young niece who was seeing someone because she didn't want to go to school. My sister received a report of these sessions and was very surprised and shocked to read that her daughter told this person that her mum had hit her with a shoe.

My sister remembers the incident exactly. Having a frustrating morning with the young one refusing to get dressed for school, she threw a shoe and it hit the wall. Her mum being angry was a frightening experience and on top of that she believes the shoe hit her. No one could convince her otherwise.

My sister apologised and they now get on great. But I think my niece will always have the memory of her mother throwing a shoe at her and she probably has to deal with that memory in her own way, even if it isn‘t exactly how it happened.

The exact truth doesn’t enter into dealing with trauma. What we believe happened is what affects us, sometimes for the rest of our lives.

I’m the oldest of five, battered and beaten almost on a daily bases, with my dad smashing in the TV, throwing furniture through the window, and his dinner at the wall because it wasn’t warn enough, beating up on neighbours if they complained about the noise. And yet if you were to speak to my siblings you would get a different story. They saw some of the same stuff but it doesn’t seem to have affected them as much as it affected me. I guess I was the more sensitive one.