Sannah--- i sent you a PM to answer your questions...no one wants to read my long drawn out story.

Searching--for me asking for help is not really a fear of rejection for me, but it might be part of it. I just feel sooooo small when I admit that i need help or when i might need to ask for it, which very RARE. It makes me feel weak-- like someone is getting ready to take advantage of me or something. So i usually "try" and figure things out on my own. Tell myself that im fine(like i did with T last night)...I'd rather suffer than ask for help.