I am new to T and have only had 2 sessions so far and they have pretty much been all questions so far. I am assuming this week will be moving forward. My issue is I am not very trusting and have been honest so far with what I can remember. Well as far as what she has asked. There has not been anything I have volunteered so far b\c of the uneasiness I feel talking about me and my issues present and past not to mention my trust issue. My ability to be open is very limited. My fear is this week is always an over whelming time of the year being compounded by current issues. Tonight I started my first dose of an anti dep which I know will not fully kick in for several weeks. Which is also for GAD. So my issue is this weeks is anniversary of my cousins taking of his own life 16 years ago. The other day that is hard is the 23rd a day that should be happy for me since it is my birthday instead I am reminded of spending that day 16years ago at him memorial service. I also took the time to tell him I hated what he did and thought I would be able to let it g by telling him what I thought. My biggest issue is I am not good at practicing self care. So I find myself speaking to my aunt and supporting her since we are kind of close. See the hard part about self care is he was one of my abusers. So I find myself not being truthful when she says what a good guy he was and great son. There is no point in adding to her tourment and it will not change a thing since he is gone in telling what he did. My biggest issue is I have never talked about this with anyone and the T has a general idea about my past as far as immediate family. It is becoming obvious I am distressed as the date approaches people notice I am on the down slope of the depression. I cannnot avoid my aunt because she will know something is up since we talk al lot. My biggest issue I see is going to T one Wed. I am sure she will want to start talking about issues at this point. I do not trust her enough to think I could be able to talk to her about this however it is like I feel like I need to talk to someone instead of it eating at me. I also have not been able to trust enough to volenteer any personal info with out the questions. Being so new to the therapy process I am unsure how to handle this. I have talked to a few people and had some suggestions like writing her a note. Even that makes me uneasy. This is totally uncharted waters for me and I am unsure if I should try to test the waters to see if I can be open with her. My biggest thought is how I have been my entire life....AVOIDANCE! I want so badly to cancel but also know that would not be what is best for my therapy and healing. I have never been able to be vocal about nything before. She is very understandint thay I need to take it at my own pace and have it be under my control. I feel like if I push myself it will have negative repercussions. I do feel safe with her so far but am so unsure about trusting. I am curious if anyone has encountered a bad unhealthy issue beeding to talk about so early into therapy and how they would handle this. Think I am very afraid of breaking down or losing control. Again any suggestions would be appreciated.