Hi there... just a quickie reply for now.

Trust takes time. Loads of it. It's okay not to trust her yet, especially enough to share really painful stuff with her. I've been seeing a new T since early December, and although I feel safe enough to 'report' some things to her, I am nowhere near ready to go near the stuff I feel vulnerable with yet. It is going to take time.

You said you have some stuff going on right now that makes you feel vulnerable... I can understand why that makes it harder to see her. It seems like there's some internal conflict going on for you about that... you have emotional stuff right near the surface, but aren't feeling safe enough in the T relationship yet to deal with it with her. That IS a dilemma.

I had a similar situation come up for me early in the T relationship... what I did with it was, I took the feelings in there and shared a little bit about how I was feeling (nervous, triggered, scared), but did not go into the details about it with her. It was no way near wholly satisfactory, but it did enable me to be real in the room with her while still maintaining a safe emotional distance. In retrospect it was the best we could do at that time in the relationship, and it was okay.

The best advice I can give you... do not push yourself to share with her before you are ready. If you work on building the relationship and the connection with her, get to know her, let her get to know you etc, before you get into the hard stuff, it will feel much safer and more manageable. The relationship is so important... far more important than getting to the hard stuff ASAP. The hard stuff has been there for a long time and will wait just a tiny bit longer. When the time is right, you will feel it, and you will begin to share some of it with her, and she will have a better idea of how to support you.

Take care of you this week... I hope you find a way to make it safe for you to go to T.