I just want to say that it's amazing how much OCD can take over one's life. I can't do the simplest things without OCD interfering. I worry about touching this or that, things moving, dust spreading, and a zillion other things. I don't feel like I'm getting the help I need, yet there isn't anything else available. People get stressed and frustrated with me, and me with them, but the meds aren't helping, at least not yet (I'm on four different ones). I feel like I'll never have the life I want.

I just turned 41, and for the things I want in life, there isn't much time to achieve them. On top of that, I am experiencing more health issues, and I worry that I'll become debilitated and have even less chance of achieving my goals in life. No one knows what to say or do to help me feel better. The shrink just nods and writes a prescription, and then I have to wait a couple of months to try another dosage or new drug.

(Incidentally, I'm still trying to reach my doctor by phone to try to get a dosage increase, but it's hard, because my sleep hours are unusual and plus I've been ill these past few days, so I am not up and able to be available for a phone call. My OCD also has a lot to do with all of it.)

I'm so very tired. Why do I have such a ridiculous disorder that makes me unable to touch things or do certain things, solely because of irrational thoughts? And other people don't understand. Some even laugh. Some seem to ignore what I've told them (I might say I don't like to be touched, and then they'll go, "You mean, like this?" or see me at a later date and want to hug me). I don't get it.

I feel like my life is frozen. Same, day in and day out. Boring. Lonely. Sad. Miserable. And I can scream, cry and beg for help, and it doesn't matter.