I have a big problem with always worrying/analyzing/stewing about my therapy. What I mean by this is that I am constantly trying to figure out where we should go next, what t meant when she said X, why I said or did a particular thing, worry about if I'm doing therapy right, when we will have to terminate, etc. I guess you could say I'm always a bundle of nerves! I can't seem to just relax, be myself, and trust the process to take me where I need to go. It almost feels like a control issue to me: like I need to know/figure out/understand everything about what we are doing and why and where we are going. . .so that I feel safe. I'm a real planner in life and like to know what's going to happen when. It makes me uncomfortable when it feels like I don't have a strong grip on everything that is happening with/to me (like dissociation). I also think it is scary going down the therapy road and not knowing exactly what will come up along the way. Is this a control issue? Is it fear or what? My t is a very good one, and she knows her stuff. So there's no logical reason why I should be so uptight about trying to figure it all out myself. But for some reason, I keep trying to do it. It's like I can't just go with the flow and let what happens happen.

Does anybody else do this, or have any idea why I would be doing this? It's really draining, but somehow I feel compelled, like it's my responsibility to make things happen.