i totally agree with you all that this does not necessarily mean he is gay and believe me it's not what i want this to be.

i have researched this a bit. and what i have read so far fits the situation pretty good however, i might be looking so hard for an answer that i am grasping here.

as for reduced sex drive..i don't think it has exactly reduced. i was in that NEW phase when i met him so i never noticed (especially cause my drive is pretty healthy so when i think back it was initiated predominately by me. and then as i mentioned, i was 'out of commission' for a bit so again, not much notice. but he then had a year doing work out of town. i only saw him on the weekend. i assumed that this would be a time of "reconnecting" so to speak. nothing. this went on forever. i talked with him. he apologized. in fact he has been doing that forever. once he came home, which has been for 3 years now, still nothing. we make love maybe 3 times a year. i would say that isn't really "diminished". i don't know.

when i ask if his previous relationships were like this he says there have been complaints before. he said he has been like this since his twenties. docs have all said everything is good medically.

i am not without guilt of my own. i have tried so hard not to pressure and to be patient and understanding. he always seems to have apologies, and promises. again, nothing. i have asked to see a counsellor. he said he would take care of it. that was years ago. i have taken the initiative to do it. he has agreed to do this. he says he understands my sadness, frustration, loneliness and doesn't want this to ruin our relationship. i am not sure if he is referring to our friendship only. i really love and care for him but i am slowly starting to turn away. i feel so rejected. i have told him all of this. he only apologizes and that's all he seems to do. he seems frustrated when we talk, like he has something he wants to say but can't get the words out. that in itself is very frustrating to me. i would just like to know. that's all i need for now. his age is 47. i am 45. we are very healthy in every way. we have known and been together for 10 years. sorry for the book!