Quote:
Originally Posted by marjan
I'm tired of myself...my patern...I'm 35 and feel so lonely...so lonely....nobody can even imagine 
I don't know what to do....I get attention from guys....and once I start going out, I get too attached and too possesive, and jealous....I want the person just for myself....I want everything goes the way that I want...and if it doesn't I feel so horrible and disappointed....
I can't control my emotions....and I show them very easily....till the person tells me that he doesn't want me around him at all!!!!
just less than two weeks ago...the guy that I was dating, broke up with me...I didn't want to go out with him at the first place, because I was so scared of myself....but he persuaded me and we start going out for two months....but all the time, it was in my mind that this is impossible....because things were going okay and good....I can't control my negetive thoughts...trust me I use all methods...and I'm good for awhile then I break it....
and he told me that he can't make me happy....and he got mad at me....well...he told me lots of hurtful stuff....and I was sad since then...I can't stop thinking about it....hate that....he text messaged me twice....and I didn't answer him...in his last text message, he said he wants to talk and be friends....I can't really....I'm afraid of talking to him and I'm afraid of rejection....I can't handle it....
I don't know how to find a partner....it seems guys are interested in me, but once the relationship starts, I can't hold on to it.....
I'm so tired and confused....please help me....not sure what to do really?
thanks |
Marjan, my heart goes out to you. I am basically the male version of what you just described. I have women interested in me, but I fear risking intimacy. I fear rejection like it's death itself. I'm older than you are also. I've struggled with this all my life, and always been alone and belittled myself for being this way. Just recently I heard about Avoidant Personality Disorder. (PC now has a forum for it in Personality Place) I read about it and saw it was how I had been my whole life. Knowing about it hasn't magically transformed me, but it does help me to feel a little more accepting of myself, that I'm not a total failure with women, and that now I know there are others like me out there. And it helps me realize what it's all about in the end, and that is our not loving ourselves enough, and desperately looking for that love from another person. I would really like to talk more with you if you'd like. Feel free to pm me. I like to hang out in chat also.
