Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
I'm a real planner in life and like to know what's going to happen when. It makes me uncomfortable when it feels like I don't have a strong grip on everything that is happening with/to me ... Does anybody else do this, or have any idea why I would be doing this? It's really draining, but somehow I feel compelled, like it's my responsibility to make things happen.
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It sounds like it's an extension of how you deal with a lot of things in your life. You like to be organized, plan ahead, be reassured by knowing what will happen next, and you have carried this over into therapy. So it actually is very logical. You are this way in other areas, so it is to be expected you might approach therapy the same way. If your need to plan so much has become something you think you want to change, then you could work on that in therapy. You could try to start by relaxing in therapy and not thinking everything out ahead of time. And when you become better at that, maybe it will transfer to other areas of your life. Ask your T for help with this if it is what you want to work on.
A good thing about thinking so much about therapy outside of therapy is that it shows real dedication to the process and getting better. You are really motivated. I think therapy can go faster (in some cases) if we devote a lot of outside time to the work of therapy, a lot of which is thought and feeling. If we need to go slow in therapy, it can be helpful to not do so much "work" outside of the therapist's office. I was much more "obsessed" with therapy outside of therapy, in the first year or so with my T. Now I have almost been with him for 2.5 years and I am much more relaxed and willing to let happen what will happen. And I don't spend as much time outside of session thinking about my therapy and what it all means (although I still spend some time). A lot of my therapy now is about the relationship--I just like going and being with him. And that doesn't require any planning. I can't plan how he will be.
I just depend on him to be him.
I also think therapy can at times be delightful when you let it unfold instead of having a set agenda each time. Sometimes I have thought I would discuss X at a session, and instead we went elsewhere and it ended up a great and surprising session--something I never could have planned. I often have expressed surprise in session. Like, while crying, "I didn't know I was sad about this" or "I didn't know I was going to cry today". It's all good. Therapy is an adventure.
Good luck with this. I think you're not unusual in this respect. It's OK!