Hi Sicklysweet,
I read your post - all the way to the end - and I can empathize with you!
I have been where you are soooooooooo many times. Too many to count! So many nights I sat and cried hoping my life would be over... THAT was a long time ago. Now, I work full time, my kids are almost grown, and I finally have a home of my own. And NO, it did not happen overnight. It took a long time. But it began with me taking control over my life, rather than allowing others dictate what they thought was best for me.
I understand and respect your desire to have drug free therapy.

I have been on too many drugs to count but it wasn't until we found the right combination that I began to feel like a human being. I was originally diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety with panic disorder. I couldn't leave my house for 2 years - try doing that when you are raising kids! I would go to the doctor and get the little pat on the head with the new script saying try this and you'll be fine... UGH!!!! So I got online and did my own research. I took it in to the doctors. When the doctor wouldn't listen, I kept searching for one who would listen to me and would work with me rather than command what I do.

In my search, I found a lot of my depression and anxiety stemmed form PMS. 10 years ago, if you took information into your doctor from the internet, they did look at you like you were crazy! I was told by one doctor, "I am the doctor, you are the patient. I know more than you and this stuff from the internet is nothing but garbage." That information I gave her was about PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) - ever see a "Yaz" birth control pill commercial? I never went back to that doctor again - and, yes, she was a woman!

It was a Physician's assistant who pegged my problems with PMS and prescribed birth control pills for me. It was like someone waved a magic wand! Suddenly, I was not anxious, I could go places, do things and even be happy about it! WHO KNEW???? I later saw an endocrinologist who diagnosed me with PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome - and a neurologist who diagnosed me with a pituitary tumor. A new psychiatrist got me new meds and I began my life.

I have been through numerous psychiatrists, specialists, counselors, and regular doctors. Countless meds, tests, and yes, I even did my time in the psych ward with shock treatment (13 rounds to be exact)

My point is this: Don't stop searching for answers and don't take no for an answer. You will find what works for you- just never give up! The answer is out there waiting for you to find it.

Good luck!