i'm so sorry you are feeling this way, bac  . but the thing you need to remind yourself of is that you are a unique and wonderful person in this world of ours. there is no one just like you. that makes you very special even tho u feel like your value depends on him. focus on yourself and all the qualities you have. it is helpful to know that our own happiness does not derive itself from others but from our own selves. then you begin to realize that you are what can make u happy, not other ppl. hope you will keep us posted and thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share your thoughts with us. we do care about u  and u do matter. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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