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I've always been know as THE "go to" person when someone else needs to be taken care of, so it has been a gradual but very real shift. I'm glad I learned that in therapy, because it makes my other relationships feel more "real" - before, I figured people were just hanging out with me because I was so happy and cheerful and willing to help out.
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EM, I'm really glad that you've gotten to practice this in therapy, too. From how you post, I think it's obvious that you are very skilled in supporting others, and I think it's great that your T is helping you learn how to ask for and get similar support for your own needs. You deserve it too!
I recognize that I'm very lucky that my T allows email, and I try not to go overboard with it. We don't do lots of other things mentioned here (physical touch, phone conversations, multiple sessions per week, staying past the 50 minutes, etc.), but the email really helps me (and I like to think it's not too much of a burden for her, since she can check it when it's convenient for her). I think I was in therapy for about 6 months before we started emailing between sessions -- she suggested it and as soon as she did I knew it would help.
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Originally Posted by ECHOES
I thnk I have called always in crisis and so now I don't know how to call not in crisis. And I suppose that also makes me feel like I would just be a pest.
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That is an interesting point, Echoes. Just in general (not about you specifically
) I'm wondering if T's think about this. Like, if they are only available for reassurance during crisis, aren't they sort of conditioning their clients to have crises to get that connection? Whereas, if they allow some means of re-connection outside of crisis situations, maybe that would help the client ask for what they need in a more controlled, less crisis oriented way?
For example, in my therapy, I kept getting frustrated with my T's lack of expressiveness. It would build up, eventually I'd get upset, and then she would finally say something reassuring, and I'd feel better. But this would keep happening. So the last time, I asked her pretty directly, why do you make me have a meltdown before you'll say something reassuring? And so the resolution is that now we have some code words, and when I say them, she knows what I need and can respond. So far it's working pretty well...