Quote:
Originally Posted by notme9
in my therapy, I kept getting frustrated with my T's lack of expressiveness. It would build up, eventually I'd get upset, and then she would finally say something reassuring, and I'd feel better. But this would keep happening. So the last time, I asked her pretty directly, why do you make me have a meltdown before you'll say something reassuring? And so the resolution is that now we have some code words, and when I say them, she knows what I need and can respond. So far it's working pretty well...
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That is such a great solution! It's similar to the parental wisdom when my kids were young,the behaviorist approach to child rearing--you shouldn't reward their tantrums with attention, but should reward their calm efforts to talk and reason. (Please don't think I am equating getting upset in therapy to a tantrum. It just struck me that the reward cycle you brought up, notme9, was kind of similar.) What did your therapist say when you told her how you only get reassurance when you have a meltdown? Had she realized that she was reinforcing your meltdowns?