I understand your desire to leave, and do what you need to if you feel your kids are not safe. But please consider that if you are going to be splitting up and divorcing, that it can be hard for the spouse who left to get back into the family home. It is easier for the spouse who is in possession to stay in the home. It would be really uprooting for your family too for you and the 3 kids to move out. He's the one who told you the marriage is over--why doesn't he move out? Anyway, just a thought--from one who has become very familiar with how things go in a divorce.

As for the play with your 11 yo girl, I went through a similar thing in my family. My H and youngest daughter had always enjoyed roughhousing with each other, but it seemed to be less and less appropriate as she became older. Sometimes I caught glimpses of "scenes" that just didn't seem right. There was no sexual abuse, but I think there comes a time when the really physical play between dads and daughters should stop. I did speak to my H about this, and he didn't really like that, but he did tone it down. I think the fact that your H reacted so strongly to your discussion about this probably indicates he has been feeling confused/guilty about this too. I wish he could get some professional help with this instead of breaking up the marriage.