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For instance, I recently confronted my mother about my feelings of abandonment and lonliness as a child. I explained to her that not having her at home, bringing different men home and not being there for me physically and emotionally was very, very hurtful to me and explained that because of her neglect, my childhood was robbed from me.

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Hi jmo,

Gosh, you actually did it! Maybe I should have explained that my rather bleak view comes from the failure to achieve what you have achieved.

I never said a word to my now deceased mother about any of this, but I did try to confront my (abusive) father before he died. He listened to me with a kindly smile on his face, thought for a while and then said, "It seems to me that you have made yourself the victim."

That was the beginning of my seven year depression, which is now clearing a little. I have realised finally that when the door is firmly closed, the best thing you can do is to stop knocking. I know it's bleak; I think that's why I needed to share this stuff yet again.

Things are better these days, but the feelings still bubble up now and then. Maybe that's the best we can hope for.

Cheers, Myzen