Geeze, I must have been a very strange child. From what I remember of my childhood, I was very embarassed by my parents. I don't exactly know why or how, it was just the feeling I had. As I grew older, I realized that in order to get their acceptance I would have to be less that what I knew I was capable of being. I would avoid being with them as much as possible. For some reason I felt that if I was accepted by them I would be stuck being like them. Even at the age of 52, I don't understand much about where those feelings came from. I always felt the need for education, they saw no need, saying education destroys values. My Mother was a housewife, always there for the family. I always saw myself with a career as far back as I can remember. I never could relate to my parents, nor them to me. Even at the end, I looked at my Mother last year, realizing that her choices in how she cared for herself ended up being her end. Not being aware of what was going on until too late, but couldn't just pin that on her lack of education since my friend from college died from cancer less that a year before my mother did. It was sad because at the end, I was treating her as the child, trying to protect her from her stupid decisions & wants that caused me so much trouble even now. I look back at my parents more as what not to do than examples to follow. Why would you ever want to be accepted by a situation like that. There are times I wonder if I ever want acceptance but more to be "acknowledged" as me, not something someone else wants me to be. I always found that being accepted ment that I had to be something other than what I was & what I really want is to be acknowledged for what I am.

Don't know if this makes any sense....I always seem out of step with others in my thinking. Maybe from background, maybe the convoluted way I think.

Debbie