marjan, sounds like u need to fix you first...the depression can be lifted perhaps with meds and therapy is helpful to get things out..just take it slow and be kinder to yourself. you mean a lot to us.  
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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