Hello everyone

I have had terrible problems with my relationship with my mother since I got married 15 years ago now and things have gotten a lot worse since my father died, aged 57, 7 years ago. I have had a lot of counselling over the years to try and get things right in my head about my mother and it has helped to some degree.

Since January I have decided to cut all ties with her, this was after a row I had with my eldest brother and she took his side (long story) but very distressing. She is manipulative, controlling and all those things I have been reading on this board that an emotionally abusive mother is. She has nearly wrecked my marriage several times, tried to take control of my children - one of whom is autistic aged 9. So life for us is quite difficult anyway without all the added problems of my mother.

This woman has made me severly ill and depressed in the past and I feel I am finally climbing out of it. But I feel I need time to 'heal' and get strong without her on my back. She lies and is nasty to her own children but to complete strangers she is as nice as pie. AND she is extremely jealous of my life!

She rang me today out of the blue and I felt my heart flutter but didnt answer the phone and left it on answer machine. I played it back and she sounds her usual down trodden, stern self. Its a pattern - she creates problems, pulls the family into them and throws us out and doesnt take the blame for ANYTHING. She has never said sorry to me, not once in her life.

Sometimes I want to tell her how I really feel and I have tried this in the past, but she goes on a crying rant and starts getting panic attacks and says things like "oh I didnt say that, I never said that etc." Its all emotional blackmail, always has been. She stifled me as a child, never got hugs and tried to make me jealous by hugging my youngest brother in front of me.........you know all that stuff of emotional crap.

So..........basically I don't want to ever have to tell her what I feel about her I just havent got the emotional energy in my life, a lot of that is taken up with my own children, especially my son with autism.

But........I want her off my back forever. If I never saw her again I would be happy I have had enough basically. I have nothing more to say to her.

Any advise or experience with difficult mothers I would like to hear from you. Thanks in advance.

I feel better for letting this out now.

Alison