I haven't called between session in awhile. Last session was pretty good, I felt a connection with him.

I have a lot going on right now. My never seemed to react emotionally since my dad died (and she is the one who found him on the bathroom floor). She just revealed, two days ago, that she has been having severe anxiety for the last month, with panic attacks. (She had panic disorder in the past-- about ten years ago, and was treated for it, and no longer met the criteria). Aside from this, she has other psychological problems. Although we live in different states, I am basically parenting her.

My sister lives about 10 minutes from my mom. She is feeling the burden and I understand that. My sister can be very histrionic at times. She will call me up at times, hysterically crying, telling me that she wishes she was dead. She does this for attention.

I am working my butt off in doctoral school and working my butt off as a therapist.

My mother has been smoking for about 50 years. She wheezes a lot, and gets out of breath. She just told me that lately she has been experiencing pressure in her diaphragm and gets out of breath. She hasn't been to the doctor in twelve million years. When my sister offered to take her this past Saturday, my mom said, "I'm not ready yet." When I talked to my mom about the importance of going to a doctor, she said, "I'll think about it." Now she says she might go next Saturday, but with my mother... she says things, but doesn't follow through.

My father stopped taking care of himself and he let himself die. I can't go through this again with my mother.

I am a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding and I totally forgot to order pick out and order the dress this weekend. I don't know if it's too late now. I don't even want to be in the wedding. I am tired and just want to be left alone sometimes.

I know my mom can't control what is happening to her, but she can certainly get help. I understand my sister's frustration. But I also wish that they would realize that I lost my dad, the most important person to me (my sister is actually his step-daughter and they had a relationship, but not a close one. It was very rocky at times, and they would have long episodes of not even speaking).

I think I really need to unload. T said I can call his voicemail and say whatever I want. I wish that I could go to session earlier than Thursday, but that is just not possible. A phone session is not possible either. I doubt I would even get to speak with him tomorrow if he was to call back.