Tait, you are not alone. I've been on SS Disability for quite a few years now since I have not been able to hold a steady job, or have been fired due to excessive medical absences due to my emotional instability. Some days I am simply just too depressed and miserable to get up out of bed and if I am feeling as if I literally want to die and can't stop crying, it's a little hard to consider going to work that day when you can't even catch your own breath and don't want to live.

First off, keep trying for disability. I worked for a SS Disability lawfirm and know a bit about the application processes and also got my own disability as well as my father's disability on the first try... I also got my sister-in-law's mother disability due to bipolar disorder by simply helping her fill out her appeal paperwork after she had been denied twice. Usually getting disability on a psychiatric basis is a bit simpler and easier than on a physical disability simply because if your mind is not clear and able to function in an everyday workplace, there's really no other option for you when it comes to employment, no matter what kind of work you want to do. However, you do need to have good medical documentation in the form of lots of medical records, hospital stays, etc. to back you up in that aspect. For example, you can't just say "I'm depressed and have anxiety attacks and because of that I can't work"... if you don't have a psychiatrist or a medical doctor that has backed you up with an actual diagnosis of some sort and medical proof in the form of a history of medical records, then you aren't going to be able to prove that your depression and whatnot is directly the reason as to why you cannot work. You need to prove that your inability to keep a job and work in general is DIRECTLY due to your psychiatric state... no matter if it's bipolar, schitzophrenia, OCD... whatever. And a doctor needs to basically be able to prove with medical records that it is his/her medical opinion that that is the case.

As for the husband situation... I can relate. My first husband was my high school sweetheart and when things got bad with me psychiatrically he divorced me... even after HE was the one who recommended that I take a part-time job and go back to school rather than attempting to hold a full time job... even after he supposedly wanted to be with me for the rest of my life, through sickness and health, and wanted me to get better. So, even those who SAY they understand don't always mean it. You just have to concentrate on you when you are at your worst, hon, no matter how selfish it sounds. You will be no good to a husband/family or anyone if you can't somehow help yourself a bit when it comes to getting medical help for your disorder.

Will you ever be able to hold a job again? I question myself all the time. I recently went back to work for the first time in 5 years and held a job for 8 months until I was fired for excessive absences... all medical in nature due to my disorder. I'm presently going in for ECT treatments in a few weeks, so I'm not worried about even looking for a job until those are over and done.... but just know that there are options out there, but only you can decide what is right for you and what you can handle mentally. Having a husband that is not supportive is not helpful, but all you can do is try... and I give you props for even attempting to hold a job!! It's not easy in our situations. You are not alone.... I've been there and am presently there right now.

Sorry for rambling... if you need to chat, I'm here.

- DH