I would like to bring this up: I have been criticized many, many times in my life for making myself the "victim" and, the concurrent claim with that, that I don't take "responsibility."

On the other hand, I am advised not to "blame" myself, and to be kind and compassionate for myself.

Sometimes I see that the victim in myself; sometimes, "stuff happens," and I don't see that I'm at fault. I'm angry still about some stuff that happened.

The 12-step AA program says that there is no "righteous anger" and our sobriety depends on divesting oneself of the notion that there is.

It's easy to think, "My anger is just hurting me. I need to let it go." But how does one let it go?

What is this mysterious balance between not being the victim and not blaming oneself?

I am puzzling my way through this.