((((((( Wendy))))))

Did you consider yourself to be no one?

Not at that point, actually, but that was a message that started to sink in and by the time I was a teenager I did feel like a nobody.

<font color=blue>Is anybody "nobody"? What does it feel like to be nobody?</font color=blue>

Did you decide to stop talking?

Again, not yet, but eventually I got to the point where it just wasn't worth the effort to try to get anyone to listen to my side of the story. I was very quiet, starting at about that time. I wasn't shy at all as a preschooler - I actually was very outgoing - but that is one aspect of my personality that was permanently altered. I still say very little in real life situations. When I was in high school someone made an observation that I never said much, but when I did, people listened. I guess that's true - when I did decide to speak up I still spoke quietly and everybody tended to stop talking to hear it.

<font color=blue>What would have made it "worth the effort"? Is there anyway to get that "worth"?</font color=blue>

Is that "them" talking, or you?

That was the conclusion I drew based on that nobody cared enough to make any effort to meet or even recognize my expressed needs. Nobody said the words, "You aren't worth it," but they always gave excuses and didn't ever look for ways to do what I was asking for.

<font color=blue>Referring to "nobody" and "didn't ever", are these possibly inaccurate? Is it possible there were others who tried, but for some reason didn't fulfill your needs at the time? Is it possible that you might have contibuted to your isolation in some ways? By not talking for instance? Or rejecting sympathy?</font color=blue>

How did you confront your sister about copying you and lying?

I don't really remember confronting her, but I was really mad at her. I bet I probably did accuse her of lying and just saying that it was my fault because "my sister made me late" was my line I always used and she copied it from me. My mother took her side though. Since I was the oldest, I was supossed to know better than fighting or getting upset about things.

<font color=blue>Is it true you did know better? What made you qualified at that age to "know better?" </font color=blue>

Can you think of any pleasant experiences during this time?

I had a couple of friends. I was so clingy and dependent on them though. There was one girl who had been in my class in second grade, not third grade, but we were still friends. She had a sister the same age as my sister too. Sometimes we all played together, both at school during recess and outside of school too a little bit. And there was a boy who tried to rescue me from the bullies. His idea was to walk home a different way - sometimes it was way out of the way and took a couple of hours to get home, and I was lost but he seemed to know where we were. It was like an adventure, and I got scolded for being so late getting home, but it was fun.

Visiting my grandparents was something I liked too, but it was a three hour drive to get there so we didn't go very often. When we did go we stayed for a few days or longer.

<font color=blue>Within the friends group, what was your role? In what way did they sympathize with you? How did they try to help, or empower you? How did you try to empower yourself?</font color=blue>

<font color=blue>What part of the new school experiences could have been carried over from the previous school? Were you expecting to be teased and bullied, or did you feel you had finally escaped?</font color=blue>


"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius