Is this all life is? I have been thinking wayyy too much today

I don't understand. I do the same thing everyday...and everyday I want to escape more and more. I try to change things to make my life more interesting, but then I get upset over change. I don't do well with change. So I am stuck with this boring life and all I look forward to doing during my day is smoking to escape this world.

I feel worthless, stupid, and just not me anymore.

I am stuck I want to stop drowning but I can't figure out how to put the plug in!!!!!