I am so confused by all the feelings I have. I am upset that my T was so straightforward with me about my marriage, telling me that there is basically no hope for my husband to change. I KNOW that I cannot change him....but I asked specifically, "What if he were to go to therapy, marriage counseling, etc. and get help?"....My T shook his head "no", saying that it would take years of therapy and that he already showed that he was not fully invested in moving in that direction.
i can see why that would be really confronting. but maybe T is just trying to be kind. nevertheless, it is up to you to decide whether you think H is fully invested or not.

Then, the T tells me at my last session that I am not being direct enough with my husband which is allowing him to hang onto hope. Yet, I don't know how I even feel about it all. It's true, I don't think I will ever find happiness in this marriage and that I said that the best case scenerio is that with intense therapy, etc., I'd be settling for "good enough".
oh hell, it's my opinion that you don't have to be black/white in this situation, right now. you can leave things open for the time being.

What makes me so upset too is that my husband is doing all the right things - working on his behavior, giving me my space, being respectful, started individual therapy, saw a new psychiatrist to adjust his meds....

But then, I read up on the cycle of abuse....this is the "honeymoon phase"....Or is it? Could it be real? Or, once I give him the comfort that I'm not pursuing divorce will he go back to his usual ways? I'm leaning towards the latter because it seems impossible to me that he could "change" overnight!
i think you're right - he isn't changing overnight. but he is trying. but you know - you don't need to give him the 'comfort' of not pursuing divorce. you can say that you will not pursue it for now, but that if things don't get better in the relationship, that you won't rule it out for good. he might make good and then things might be great. or he might make good for a year and then slip back into old behaviours. just because you rule it out once, doesn't mean you've ruled it out indefinitely.

And then, with the whole group counseling situation....I didn't know diddly about gestalt therapy and went in there doing all the wrong things....Now I feel totally embarrassed and guilty for sabotaging the session and doing it all wrong....with all of those people....OMG....How am I going to face them tomorrow???? They welcomed me so nicely, and I felt so good after leaving....until it dawned on me what had really happened.
what did really happen? i know nothing about gestalt either. but certainly, if you were 'sabotaging' the session, then someone would have called you out on it. i bet they were willing to let things slide because you are new - they are showing understanding and compassion - a great sort of group to be in!!

i think you should go back and see how things go. maybe take a back seat if you want to figure out group dynamics and how things are 'meant' to work. but you shouldn't leave because of one poor session. you felt great about how things went - don't let you intellectualise yourself out of that great feeling. hang on to it, and maybe when you are able to engage in the therapy the way it is 'meant' to run, you will get out even more .