Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
So far, I've seen my T 2x since we started individual therapy (total of 4 times if you count the marriage counseling...) I am upset that my T was so straightforward with me about my marriage, telling me that there is basically no hope for my husband to change.
|
Does your T know you and your marriage well enough to be sure about that?
Quote:
|
Then, the T tells me at my last session that I am not being direct enough with my husband which is allowing him to hang onto hope. Yet, I don't know how I even feel about it all.
|
So your T is telling you to be direct about something you are not even sure you want to do? That doesn't sound good. It seems like the first step is making up your mind, then you can worry about how you deliver your message. I think sometimes T's need to be take a step back and let the client discover what they need to do instead of telling them what they need to do. I know my T admitted having that temptation to me. He says it's countertransference and he takes precautions to guard against it. The T has to let your marriage be your own marriage and let you make your own decisions.
Quote:
|
I don't think I will ever find happiness in this marriage and that I said that the best case scenerio is that with intense therapy, etc., I'd be settling for "good enough".
|
This is a long journey and you do not sound ready to make the decision to end the marriage. That's OK, there is time in the future to end it if you come to that decision. Give yourself time to go slow if that's what you need.
Quote:
|
What makes me so upset too is that my husband is doing all the right things - working on his behavior, giving me my space, being respectful, started individual therapy, saw a new psychiatrist to adjust his meds....
|
It sounds like he is trying, which is a good sign.
Quote:
|
But then, I read up on the cycle of abuse....this is the "honeymoon phase"....Or is it? Could it be real?
|
You won't know if you don't give it a chance.
Quote:
|
Or, once I give him the comfort that I'm not pursuing divorce will he go back to his usual ways? I'm leaning towards the latter because it seems impossible to me that he could "change" overnight!
|
Maybe you don't need to guess but can just sit back and see what actually happens.
It's OK to be ambivalent. Trust yourself and go with that--you don't need to make big decisions today. If your T is really pressuring you to leave the marriage and you simply are not ready, then consider getting some space from the T.
Quote:
|
And then, with the whole group counseling situation....
|
Why are you in group counseling? I would be interested to hear more about gestalt group therapy. I know a little bit about individual gestalt therapy, but not group, so I'm very curious to hear what happened.