Gravyyy.........being harsh here......you have a responsibility to stay alive.......I know the burden of living and it is almost wishful thinking that dying will make it easier.

Yes, we all go up and down like some terrifying roller coaster........I often throw up from the velocity(metaphorically).........and your situation is no different.

You cannot give up and yes the feeling to die is impulsive........I spent 6 months everyday doubled over with the sheer force of wanting to die......it brought me to my knees........but the feeling would pass until the next time and the next and so on........anti-psychotics helped until my lithium kicked in.

You must go to hospital if that is the safest place..........you must put the last shred of who you are into getting the best kind of immediate help and understand that there is no room for death.........you have been given a very important task by the Universe, God, whatever has brought you here to LIVE and contribute.......to love yourself enough to shine the light that you have into just one other persons life.....

That light may feel dim.......but it is there......we all have it........sometimes we just have to reminded by a concerned and caring stranger.

Fight it!!! and you shall win........please