Thanks everyone. I guess I'm just so confused about how I feel.

When I had my first individual session, I was clear about what needed to happen. My husband was out of control, being verbally and emotionally abusive, disrespectful...he even went as far as offering me sexually to a neighbor....and wanted his girlfriend in exchange. It's been 15 years of struggling.

Even without the behavior issues, we have very little in common, have very little interest in each others lives, don't enjoy the same things.....We are on two totally different planes intellectually....and I have absolutely NO interest in having sex with him. The thought disgusts me.

I wanted OUT.

But then by the 2nd visit, my husband had started working on the behavior issues, etc. and I started to feel differently. Do I feel as though I'll be happy with him? NO. Do I want to have sex with him? HELL NO.

I really just wanted him to agree to leave, but he won't leave the house and insists that my feelings will change since he's getting help now for his issues.

The T says that I am not being direct because I keep saying things like "I THINK it would be best if you leave the house....I don't THINK there's a relationship to salvage".....He says I am leaving my husband with hope and that's what he's hanging onto...thus the reason he is trying so hard.

UGH.

One of the goals that I set up with T is trying to figure out why I attract the people that I do (not just my husband but others as well). That's why he suggested group counseling. Part of me feels as though he asks every single person that walks in his door to join group. I figured I'd give it a try.

"i think you should go back and see how things go. maybe take a back seat if you want to figure out group dynamics and how things are 'meant' to work. but you shouldn't leave because of one poor session."

It's funny you mentioned that....At one point during the session, one member chimed in saying we were going into too much "content".... I was taken aback by that statement, so I switched gears to more listening....Yet, when I got back the notes from the T, apparently I missed out on opportunities to provide feedback to others on how I am "experiencing them". I have a lot to learn. I just feel a a bit mortified...LOL. I am trying to think to myself that I am only human.....

I'll do a separate post about the gestalt therapy experience. I have another session tonight, so I'm sure I'll have more to say if it's not all spinning in my mind....

Ria