Please hang on this feeling will leave. You can't give up, but must keep going even though you must be tired. I've been on the roller coaster too. I've done things I regret during my roller coaster ride so I have extreme guilt. I just ask God to forgive me and try to move on though I get tired of feeling so bad. I was hospitalized for self injury last year. I was put on abilify along with several other meds and have felt better than I ever can remember. So I regret having feelings of dying because i'm soooo much better. Please know things will get better. Go to the hospital when you feel this way where you'll be safe from yourself. After many roller coaster rides I finally feel better and can't remember why I wanted to die so bad. Please know things will get better even if you can't see it right know. I hate when people would tell me things will get better but they will and it's true. Just hang in there.