Hi:
I`m quite shy at saying this but I understand wath is being bipolar and its effects, I cannot write this moment cos`I`m nervous¡¡ but as you I ALMOST TRIED TO KILL MYSELF 2 days ago I`m gonna be able to tell you all what happened this Saturday 14ht when Santana performed in Quito in a concert:
I was at home, alone desperated, anxious,extremely depressed with no wanting to live then staying in bed started grabbing the both sides of the matrex so violently, and I hit myself against it, saying and shouting ..I dont`want to live, I want to die¡¡¡¡¡, now it sounds ridiculous for me cos I`m better today but with all my energy to do all in day planning ideas that is impossible to make in a short term ( I think I`m manic this moment ) so, that day I cried my eyes out almost 20 minutes, then I was planning how to kill myself and what could happened after my death, I wanted all my family apologised for all the harm has caused me for years, (I admit that I deserve living but I don`t want cos' I`m complety falured woman, a ****** falured woman, I never did some productive in life)then I continue with my "pitty" story in chich I think is not cos'I weird¡¡ but that day (night) I went to the kitchen to get a knife to cut myself in my legs but that ****ing knife was not on shape, **** I did not this I though in my daughter, I stop myself but I was crying, getting mad, all my ideas was too messy¡¡
things as this has happened to me 2 moths ago I was hanging myself from the bridge of the highway Iwas hungover¡¡ was the shite of me¡¡and in was walking in one side of the road throwing down stons under the all the cars were driving on that moment. IS THIS A SIGN OR BEHAVIOR OF BEING BIPOLAR?
yesturday I was terribly sad and teary in the morning but in the night I was so euforic and happy. Now I`m anxious,moody and irritated. ARE THEY the MOOD SWINGS?
Saijey