Thanks mel. You didn't offend me at all. You actually brought a smile to my face at your suggestion of walking up to him with me and letting him have what he's got coming.

All I have to fight him with is the court system, and when he doesn't get his way, he takes it out on me by using the kids - not paying for things that he's supposed to, doing this thing with changing his mind every 10 minutes about whether they can stay with me or not, calling them and getting them upset because he's disappointed with their school work and then leaving me to calm them down when I'm just as pissed off as them at what he did.

The kids need a GAL so they can be heard. If I back down to his intimidation in mediation, they won't get that chance. Even if it means they might say things about me that I don't want to hear - like "Mom yells at us sometimes when she's mad" - they need to be able to speak up about what they want. Their dad doesn't want that to happen. He even tells them "Don't tell anyone that I hit you or I'll go to jail." He's hit my daughter with a belt, threatened her a few days later that he'd hit her again, and then tells her "Oh, you didn't get that bruise from me hitting you, you got it from bumping your back on the table, remember?" How can he possibly think anyone is going to fall for that supposed line of events?

This man's quest for self preservation at all costs is beyond my comprehension when he puts his kids' well being behind his own. On the surface, he's this upstanding guy, but in private he's a textbook emotional abuser. Still doesn't make it any easier to stand up to him.