I posted something similar to this in the DID forum. I don't know where to post these days.

Ever since therapy yesterday, the stuff that was contained by 3 y/o me is spilling into my consciousness. I DON'T WANT IT. She split off for a reason.

I cried myself to sleep last night (haven't done that since I was actually 3) and woke up in the middle of the night with a nightmare I couldn't remember...had to get out of bed and regroup before I could go back to sleep.

I just KNEW if I started letting this stuff out in therapy, I wouldn't be able to tuck it back away. Now it's like....I have to keep going, I have to work THROUGH it, at least this part of it. No containment works. I'm stuck with her memories and her feelings. I have a call in to T, the kind where I ask for an actual call back where we talk, but I know it won't help.

I have T again on Thursday, and I know I should be grateful for that...that I don't have to sit with this until next week. But when every minute feels like an eternity, Thursday seems FAR AWAY.

I really, really, really need to see T and get more of this OUT OF MY HEAD. I tried journaling, but that just led to the crying myself to sleep.

I've tried to stay really busy today to distract myself, but the anxiety was still getting to me, so I took an extra klonopin which made me too sleepy to feel busy, but not knocked out enough to make the stuff in my head go away.

I'm really not sure what to do. Maybe I'll take the dog for a walk. I don't know.