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Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
I am so confused by all the feelings I have. I am upset that my T was so straightforward with me about my marriage, telling me that there is basically no hope for my husband to change. I KNOW that I cannot change him....but I asked specifically, "What if he were to go to therapy, marriage counseling, etc. and get help?"....My T shook his head "no", saying that it would take years of therapy and that he already showed that he was not fully invested in moving in that direction.
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i am a bit concerned with your t thinking he can predict the future and tell you there is no chance for your marriage. he just doesn't know that. no one can. please be careful not to give all your power away to t. it is your decision--and only your decision--as to whether or not to try to save your marriage. personally, i wouldn't rush into any decisions about something so huge, especially when your h is trying to make changes.
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What makes me so upset too is that my husband is doing all the right things - working on his behavior, giving me my space, being respectful, started individual therapy, saw a new psychiatrist to adjust his meds....
But then, I read up on the cycle of abuse....this is the "honeymoon phase"....Or is it? Could it be real? Or, once I give him the comfort that I'm not pursuing divorce will he go back to his usual ways? I'm leaning towards the latter because it seems impossible to me that he could "change" overnight!
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lasting change takes time imo. but the only way you'll know if the changes are real is if you give it time to find out. maybe your h will revert to his old ways, maybe he won't. i think there are a lot of options besides staying in a bad marriage and divorce. you might want to get some info on setting boundaries as it does seem to be working with your h. just keep setting them and don't revert to only talking about problems.
