((((((((((zen)))))))))) I'm so sorry things aren't going well right now.

All I can tell you is not to be too hard on yourself, and do what you have to in order to take care of you. The way I started looking at depression was as some kind of thief who stole my life away, and even the slightest accomplishments on my part was my way of taking back what was rightfully mine. Stand up to the depression, but make sure you don't take on too much at once. Try taking baby steps. Make everything as relaxing as you can. I find standing or moving hard when I'm down, so I do as much sitting down as I can. Instead of a shower, maybe try a bath so you don't have to be standing and you can just lie still for a while. Instead of cleaning a whole room, tidy just your desk while you're sitting in a chair. When you brush your teeth, sit down. Getting dressed can be a series of steps -- shirt, rest, then pants, rest, then socks, rest, etc. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself. Try to accomplish things that will have a visible effect like tidying or that will pamper your body in some way, that way you can see/feel your successes. Don't forget that when you're depressed, absolutely everything you do counts as an achievement, no matter how small. You can do this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.