Babe, you got some big stuff going on.......

The language barrier is difficult.........sounds stupid but can your embassy help in referring you to a hospital or clinic or anywhere that speaks english? And then go from there........just an idea.....

As for your distress in dx, we have all been there........I know the debilitating fear of not "knowing what is wrong".........and sometimes too much information can be a bad thing.......overwhelming.

I have had BPD for 15 years, although now after hefty, long term therapy and hospitals, I have "BPD traits". I also have other stuff going on so not out of the woods yet.........

Yes BPD is overwhelming and terrifying........that is why you need to find someone who can clarify it for you in a controlled, therapeutic setting........

Hope this has helped, not hindered.......you are not alone

PS I was also on Zyprexa - helped control the rage and hallucinations(I also have shizoeffective). I have also been on lithium for BPD and was dx Bipolar in 2007 and put back on lithium again. It really helped control some of the really bad stuff with Borderline.......doesn't help everyone and people have nasty side effects........just some other suggestions. Anti-depressants only worked for about six months for me.......I have been on about 26 diffferent ones over the years!!