Hi shizuko87, welcome to PC. I'm so glad you're here.
I'm sorry you feel so bad right now. Are you on any anti-depressants? have you spoken to a doctor or a therapist about how you're feeling? If you're not up to that, what about calling your local crisis line and talking things out anonymously with someone there? It can be a scary step but it is worth it, I swear. It's possible to beat this. It's possible to feel better than you're feeling right now. I know it doesn't seem that way right now and I know how difficult that is to believe -- it probably sounds like I'm telling you it's also possible for you to flap your arms and fly. But this
can be treated and it
can be beaten. It's not always easy and it's not always quick, but it's always possible, so please try to keep that in mind.
You are not worthless or a failure. This is the depression telling you lies. It's tricky like that -- it lies to us over and over and over until we're unable to see the truth. But there are people who can help you -- coming here to PC is a great step, you'll find lots of supportive people who are or have been in the same boat as you. You can PM me too, if you'd like. I'm always happy to listen/help. There are all kinds of professionals who will know how to help you as well. Also, have you spoken to your fiance about how you're feeling? Having someone else in your corner while you fight your depression makes it a lot easier to do, and reminds you that you're not alone when the depression tells you the lie that you are.
Please take care.