went and saw my T yesterday - it really helped - good old T (well she's not old - she's younger than me - but isnt everyone! lol ) realised how far I'd fallen when she banged her hand on the table to demonstrate something and I didn't react at all - talked to her about the pdoc visit - she said I had hit the wall as I do on a regular basis! LOL so we talked it through - actually slept last night - yippee! - have stopped fighting with myself seeing T really helped - I just felt totally disconnected - thanks LLT for starting this thread and to everyone on it for helping me back into the light.

and Earthmama, you hit the nail on the head hmmmm no emoticon for that! I didn't realise it but I was isolating myself and that doesnt work with depression/ptsd - thanks everyone