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I took this shot to get help but also to please the thought in my head that says over and over again: "This shot will possibly maim or possibly kill you and it will be a blessing!"
Also when cycling to elevated mood and cycling back down to depressed mood I do semi-risky things sometimes and do them cuz of the thought in my head keeps saying "if it kills you, it will be a blessing"
I am tired of hearing it, over and over again throughout every day. It is very seductive and very frightening at the same time.
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