You are not a wall!!!!!!

There are plenty of people who are not self-absorbed. People with issues to still work through chose people who are self-absorbed frequently because this is what feels safe. Because healthy people scare the pants off people who have low self worth. Healthy people will look right at you and see you and this is very uncomfortable when all you want to do is disappear. The people who we can feel more comfortable around are those you are unhealthy and not good for us. This has to be worked through in order to get better, though.

You have been doing the group thing for years now and you are going backwards not forwards. Getting better sometimes requires us to go beyond our comfort zone. You can do this Tao! I have pushed myself to do things outside my comfort zone. My heart was pounding, the blood was drained out of my face, I was shaking, but I forced myself to do it anyway. And each time that I did this it got easier, and easier and easier until it became a new way of life.