These outbursts are just terrible and I hope and pray we all get rid of them. I'm not big enough to cause physical harm to my husband, but they just crush him emotionally. I'm so fortunate to have someone who loves me throughout all of this.

I have to find some way to forgive myself for the things I did during the 3 years I battled PTSD without knowing it. I don't know why I'm being so hard on myself. If I should be mad at anyone, it should be the person that caused my trauma. But I've let him go to the extent I can and now it's just a matter of time before he leaves my memory forever, the thought of him doesn't seem to bother me anymore. But now I'm mad at myself and feeling guilty about being such a recluse and emotionally detached from my husband and sons for such a long period of time..

I saw my Pdoc (psychiatrist) today and he wasn't very helpful on helping me forgive myself (although he saw how depressed I was and increased my meds). I was hoping he would give me some form of tool to use but I guess its something that I'm going to have to come to terms with myself. As I get older in life, I'm finding I need to have inner peace within myself and not do things that I'll regret, which is probably just maturity. I have to find a way to rid myself of guilt over the past and move forward.

Eskie, thank you for your post, I find comfort in it.

Missi