It's about letting go.

I find that self-injury, for me, was a way of releasing feelings such as anger or shame, or escaping numbness or feelings of powerlessness. SI took me to a place far away. I thought I was taking control of my life, but I couldn't have been farther from the truth.

The list of things to do when you get urges is a pretty good list for acute situations - but what do you do for the long haul? You try concentrating on your breath or taking a warm shower, and you are over the urge *phew*

but what if it comes back again?

Over time I have realized that using SI made me forget how to cry. The one innate, adaptive feature that allows us to release those pent up emotions. Now that I have not harmed myself in almost two years, I cry more often - and I find that it is perfectly all right, if not beneficial.

Next time you feel the urge to hurt yourself, don't! Instead...

let yourself feel those feelings of anger or shame or sadness. Feel it, hold onto it, embrace it. It's a part of you (a very temporary part of you). It's okay to feel and you are not a bad person because of it. Instead of hurting yourself, cry. Hug a pillow and cry for every time you have been wronged, even for the times you have wronged yourself. Life is not fair, we all know this. That doesn't mean we have to take it, enjoy the unfairness of it, and ask "please sir, can I have some more." No, it's even okay to cry because life is unfair.

I often found it was hard because I thought the crying would never stop. Set a timer if you are afraid - or cry on a friend's shoulder. And then when you are done crying, get up, wash yourself off, go outside, take a BIIIIG breath of air and realize all the things you have to be grateful for. We all have something.

It's easy to take the little things for granted, but I have a roof over my head, running water (not always hot or cold - but I don't have to go down to the river to fetch it), but most importantly, I have people who love me and want to see me through to a brighter day.

Remember, don't be hard on yourself - we are all running this race of life, mostly against ourselves. Don't compare yourself to others either.

BE GENTLE - You are worth every ounce of love and healing you have to give yourself!

The choice is yours, and it is your journey alone to make. You choose to call a friend for help, and you choose to try your hardest. I hope you do what's right for you. Good luck to all on the road to recovery, and be safe to those who are not quite ready yet