You really do need to find/figure out yourself first, before finding someone else to be "the cure to all your problems." The first therapist that I went to told me that my severe depression was nothing but homesickness, and that all I needed was to get married, and that would cure it. I knew that there was more to it, but I did get married, and my problems only got bigger. I have been diagnosed with AvPD too, and I still struggle to be comfortable with who I am, and I really fear rejection. Being married has not made that better.