Again, thank you Searching. I don't know what your experience in therapy has been but I had a tough time connecting to my feelings. I have been working with a therapist who does "parts" work - the theory is based out of IFS. Anyway, it is helping me to identify some of the different areas in me that are in "battle" with each other and how things get so insane in my head.

I tried to deny the trauma for a long time, I really wanted to believe that I was the problem and everything was my fault. I was born "bad" and that is why things happened. After reading your post and others I am starting to feel safer with the idea that it was all images that as a family we portrayed. Tie that in with the emotional SI and I have a year of material for therapy.

Have you ever watched a dog, I love them so I find them facinating. You can be having a bad day and say something to them or make them wait and extra 10 minutes to go out and yet a few seconds later they don't care. They don't hold grudges or beat themselves up thinking they must have done something wrong. I don't mean the horrible and evil people that abuse their dogs, I mean the rest of us who sometimes might use the wrong tone.

They just love us. My therapist was talking about that, how maybe when I start to go down these paths which is often I can think about the forgiveness a dog has and realize that it may not be possible for me right now but that it does exist.

I hope that makes sense, and I look forward to reading more of your posts. I enjoy reading how you analyze things and put them into your experience.