Yes, it is misery I agree. But I fill my time and heart with the love and connections that friends and family bring to my life. Where do they ever go?

My late husband I got together for all the right reasons, we were married for a goodly number of years, together longer than that. When we first got together we talked constantly, for hours, days on end, about everything. As time went on, he stopped talking, refused to talk, abused me for trying . . . He left me a couple of years before he died, I filed for divorce (something I swore I'd never do) for my own protection. He fought to keep me from divorcing him, but not to save our marriage. Moron. Wow, I sound bitter right? Yeah. If he'd put just half as much effort into himself, into our marriage, he might still be alive and we might still be together. He's dead now several years. It still hurts.

I'm going to be 45 this year, and I worry I'm going to be alone too. But right now, I need to be alone, time to try to heal and collect myself, to grow. I hope, oh how I hope that I'm not going to be alone forever either, but I focus on each day.

Some how over the last several years I've managed to find hope again. So I'm holding onto that. When does the pain ease? God how I wish I knew. But I can say it's not as bad as it was. So that some progress no?

Time they say, heals all wounds.

Give yourself and your girls time, love and permission to heal and grow.