I'm just so so sad. I feel bad. I ran away from this website before because i can't stay around, i don't know why.... And yet i always come back.

My arms aches to be cut, and the awful thing is that i know i will. It doesn't feel like my arm anymore. This body isn't mine. Does anyone understand? I don't know why i cut anymore. I think there is a deep, deep sadness but i try and stop myself from feeling it as much as possible.

I cannot talk most of the time because....i don't know why. Everytime my foot hits the pavement my head screams 'cut!, cut!, cut!' with every footstep.

I don't know what to say anymore, and i don't know how to.

But i want someone to know....i just want someone to care. Why can't i feel the care of my family? What is wrong with me? I just don't feel anything they try and convey....i know they love me but i want to run a thousand miles from their hugs....but, at the same time, i want them to take me away from the pain.

I can't handle the pain. It is too much.

Shaking.

Pain.

I managed to shed two tears writing this. That is more that i have in ages.

I want to stop my brain screaming at me to 'CUT!!!!'

Shaking.