I finally went to my nurse practitioner today. She has a weight peramiter that I am suppose to fit in and. And being in treatment so many times they have told me to throw away my scales. Well, a lot of good that has done me. I finally get up the guts to go I get on the scale backwards. And whala! She tells me I'm not even close. And that I knew it. The thing is, I didn't. I really didn't. And I was really upset cuz now I don't know how bad it is. But that I failed. But my eating disorder says I'm fine.
Then she calls me later and tells me my labs are bad. I'm tired and confused. I had a bad week. Not with my ed but with life. And I feel like I just got stomped on.

I left there so dissapointed, I couldn't make a food choice if my life depended on it. Where to now? Is this the last time I crash with my anorexia I feel fine? Am I really in big trouble? In worse denial than ever before?