Hey Painneverdies,

I read your first post and was thinking i wonder if it ever does die or go away , the pain,

Today the thought crossed my mind . I know how I can get money for denistry.

Ill just stop eating.

about the only corner I have left to cut , except to get rid of internet and not skate once a week .

This was around 6:00 pm today .

then I sat in the parking lot and felt real sorry for myself . And felt even more so as I read a blog about a beautifu talanted smart woman who has a gazzillion of friends at her side as she vallianty struugles her last days dieing from breast cancer, In AA a beautiful soul , laughing giving to others even as she can barely type. Has Children had a great paying job, and still very close to her ex husband.

Im doing something wrong.

I can't hold a candel to her , Shes lived a full life she has love all around her friends family by the truck loads.

I don't know whats wrong with me . And this just rienforses another mans viwes of me . Maybe its the Men comming into my life to compare me without getting to really kow me talk to me see me.

Pain .. I read about your abuse... Me too.

and the hidding from Connor and your restricting in private ,

I'm trying to get in touch with that from what I did in the past .

I'm wondering what you think of this and why your doing it.

For me its control. I wanted to man my own eating ship . Or is it captainess my ship.

It's okay for us to choose and deside whats best for us , I have a difficut enough time holding on to my own rudder while many want to have a say or complain about my choices . I don't eat bread except for once in a while .

Its an inconvience for some .

so is being a vegan . sigh.

Patricia

Just some thoughts.