((Ria))
I am so very sorry...
It hurts so badly when things like this happen to us.

Grieving is an individual thing, we do it at our own pace. Shutting out the pain from losing a loved one can actually be a part of our grieving. At some point, though, that anguish will surface and it does hurt.
Wandering through the grief is one of the hardest things we face doing...feeling the sorrow/anger/depression.
At times I've found myself barely inching forward, times when I can't move forward at all. I don't berate myself for this since it's the best that I can do at the time.

If you feel like you are actively beginning to grieve, be as kind as possible to yourself.
Grieving is very hard work so taking care of yourself is so important...

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, ok?
Posting will help you get some of the feelings out, perhaps others will share what has helped them day by day.

My best wishes for you to have bits and pieces of peace as you start this journey,
Cap