Well, I have been wanting to write this but for so long I just couldn't get myself to do it.

One part of me feels guilty that I would even think of divorce because really he is not such a bad H or dad at all. But the other part of me is dying a slow death of utter despair.

I feel we are drifting further and further apart emotionally. There is a huge emptiness between us that is killing me slowly. We are not on bad term but there is just no connection and satisfaction at all.

I do not feel his initiative and input in many areas of our life unless I push it. He seems to have passion only in sport (taking my son to sports) and keeping up on news and reading. That's it, nothing else, not even sex. He would have time for volunteering to coach or assist or fund-raising for sport teams but would not put time in building our relationship or doing anything for our house. He would read extensively on anything that concern the outside world but will not put a single minute on books that teaches you how to improve your relationship or parenting skills or anything of emotion or spiritual.

I have initiated going out together and have made several attempts to revive the connection between us. Although he will do it when asked, I am not feeling his passion and his desire at all. If I don't initiate anything, it will not happen. They say it takes two hands to clap but mostly the clapping comes only if I pick his hand up to do it. And that is no fun at all and it is killing my spirit slowly.

I know everybody has their own interest but somehow this does not feel right to me. I want a partner who is ALIVE! Who is fill with passion for life itself and passion to build a relationship that is alive and a house that expression your heart and soul in it.

I did tell him my feeling and all of what I said here but it does not seems to mean anything to him. He would take a little step when push comes to shaft and then it's back to normal.

I just don't know what to do - I just feel like our marriage is so dead. I really don't want to live like that and often think of leaving.

p.s. think I have posted this in the wrong forum.