I know it can be tough to reach out for help, but you really have nothing to be ashamed of. Depression is an illness like any other -- there's no more weakness or shame in getting it than getting the flu. The great thing about a crisis line is that it's completely anonymous, and you can talk to them without fear of judgement. Sometimes, depending on where you live, you can also find an email address for your crisis line if you'd prefer to write everything down instead of talk on the telephone, which might be another option for you. From my experience with counsellors, doctors and mental health professionals, there isn't too much you can say that will shock them, and they genuinely want to help you through this. It is possible to feel better than you've been feeling now.